I WILL REMEMBER ALL OF YOU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSz16ngdsG0


 Right now it is 2 AM on Friday Morning  In three hours I have to get up and leave for my very last day at Xerox.   They are closing the Consumer Sales Division, and we all lost our jobs.  I worked there for about 9  months  but I have to say  thoughthe job could be horrible  the people there were COMPLETELY AWESOME.   Chris was one of them, and I miss him of course  but I will now have to miss EVERYONE there.. I am SO VERY SAD about this.

We went through SO MANY THINGS together, including the death of Chris.   Of all the great memories  there are some things I will absolutely never ever forget. One is my friend Mike Smith,  who was goofing around one day wearing Brad's weird glasses  OMG  I died at this funny picture.

  Another very hard memory was ... We learned that Chris had taken his own life on Dec 17.   That was a Monday.   None of us found out about his death until Wednesday.  However,  the weird thing was that for four days  I did not see his car in front of his house   On Thursday, still in shock from everything, I drove home and there it was. I thought my heart would just stop beating.

  The truth is  that a wrokplace is made up of people  Yes  there are tasks to accomplish, roles to play  things to learn and get done... but mostly what a workplace is about is... People.  Just the BEST People   in the world make a great workplace what it is.  Now that it has ended  I am no longer going to see the peple I used to spend five days a week with, and that is hard hard hard.  This work place was espeically hard because of all of the things we went through.   I will NEVER EVER EVER FORGET any of those guys.  I love them all and I always will.   Our little Sales group inside Xerox was close knit and a family.  I will miss them terribly. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSz16ngdsG0

Between Smiles.... but now The Spring.... Let's call these numbers 88 & 87....

I cannot BELIEVE it has been so long since I have done a post on here.. I have been Job Hunting and a lot of other things. Then on February 16th a friend of mine had a baby, and we knew the baby would be sick ahead of time. She fought valiantly but in the end after two 12 hour long surgeries she just could not seem to heal. She died after about 3-4 weeks of life. That was heart wrenching and such a dramatic roller coaster. We had SO MANY PEOPLE praying for her. I do not pray so much as..... I'm not sure what I do... I hope though... I always hope. And when I am looking for prayers I call on the BIG GUNS, my Mother In Law Mary Jo in CA... who seems to have God's Cell Phone number or something. But even Mary Jo and all of her prayer circles could not save little Kaylen. I suppose it was not meant to be. On the day of her memorial, which was a brief graveside service at the cemetery near Baker Prarie here in Canby, it was a glorious beautiful day. On such a day, there is no room for sadness, and yet I was going to attend a funeral for a month old baby.

 

I got out of work early to attend the funeral, and as I was getting into Canby from Tigard I noticed a big white car in front of me. Then it hit me... it was the hearse from the Canby Memorial Chapel. "That's odd," I thought. As they turned right on Ivy, I thought OH they must be going to Hope Village. There are so many seniors there and a nursing home... and.... It's just a logical conclusion.

 

Then He turned left onto Township. Hmmm. Then I remembered that the last time I ever saw this car was when they loaded Chris's casket into it. Made me SO SAD at remember that day... But then... that was a verrrry rainy day. This is a gorgeous Spring day - one o the first we have had. Then as I was driving every place I was driving to, He was driving to also he was in front of me. I thought.. "You know..... White Hearse.... I do not realllly want to think about Chris today... I am ALREADY SAD. I am going to a BABY's funeral. Helllloooo..."

 

Then as I was getting ready to turn into the cemetery, HE TURNED in there too!!!! Then it FINALLLLLY occurred to me..... Kaylen was in the back of that car. DUH. I was driving behind him, and he kept driving to the same places I was going because we were going to the same place: he was taking her to her final resting place.

 

We all stood around there... and one by one people in the crowd hugged my friend and the dad and the siblings of Kaylen. There was a beautiful service lots of speeches and gorgeous violin music and hymns and it was very special. Then at the end, people emerged with many pink and white heart shaped balloons. Kari's children ( Kaylen's four older siblings who thought their baby sister was coming home) they passed out the heart shaped balloons. then at the count of three, we let them all go, and watch as they flew away. It was a beautiful gesture. I stood there just overwhelmed.... but of course I never go to a FUNERAL without my CAMERA (GAWD) but I thought, "Kari might want a picture of these." I ONCE AGAIN threw etiquette and decorum RIGHT out the window and took two pics of those balloons flying up to Heaven or wherever they were going.

 

I stayed until the very end. I cannot attend a funeral without making an ass out myself of course so I moved my car a little closer while the family and a few close friends remained to watch her be put into the ground. I got out of my car and stood off to the side a little. I did not so much want to see this but I wanted to just stand there, apart, but quietly, and be there for Kari, so that she was know I was there until the end. If it were my child, I think that is when I woudl completely LOSE IT. so... I wanted her to know with my presence "I am here. I am NOT going ANYWHERE."

 

Unfortunately, as I was standing there, Lost in thought  I hear this man say loudly, "If someone coudl MOVE THEIR VAN we could get the bulldozer over to the dirt pile and then we could start...."    HUH??? OH  OF COURSE!!!! OF COURSE  LIZ parked her GINORMOUS VAN in front of the dirt pile.  I like FLEW to the car and moved it to a different spot.."  UGH.   Then I came back to stand silently.   

 

We all watched as Kaylen's tiny white casket was put into the ground. Unspeakably sad... my heart BROKE for Kari, my friend. If I am honest though, I would say that Kaylen is at rest now, at peace and her battles are over. It was not LESS of a loss, but it was to me at least, not as hard as Chris.  Kaylen had parents, and a family and tons of people all over the country praying for her, yes  and they were allll very sad...   but she did not get a chance to do much living. She did not have a smile that lit up a room yet. She did not have a Best Friend whose heart just BROKE. She did not have mystified coworkers.  She did not do much living. She would have I think, given the chance... She was a beautiful little girl...  She had a mother who loved her  but she did not have a mother who could tell funny stories about her.

 

Kaylen's death was tragic, but her little life was so short. No less meaningful, but she did not have coworkers, best friends, college roommates, teammates. Had she lived I am sure she would have! Chris's loss hit me so, so hard. Maybe my lack of faith is at play here again. Kaylen's church family said she was now in the arms of Jesus.  Chris probably is too,  but honestly?  For him it is probably more like  "So  Yeah...Uhmmm God... Are you gonna finish that sandwich?"    I think God has a sense of humor. He must. I hope so. He needs one.  And if not, maybe that is why Chris had to go hang with him early.

 CAN YOU SEE IT? K R??? I can.

After Kaylen's service I looked at the four pictures I took. I had one of a BEAUTIFUL tree and the sun was shining through it. I took that before the service started. I wanted to capture it for Kari.   Then I took one of her kids passing out the balloons because it was very moving and they were sooooo brave.  Then The last two I took of the balloons flying up to the sky.   It was UN REAL when I looked at the last two.  The first one of those I took, I SWEAR the Balloons were flying around and if you look carefully they spell out "K R."   Those were Kaylen's initials.  Not everyone can make it out... but I did.

 THAT brought a smile to MY heart that day, and I don't know. It still does  So that can be Smile  number.... What number are we on, anyway???  No idea. Let's call it 87.

 

I also put a smile on my son Spencer's face recently  and also  frankly on my Supervisor Joe's face. This is because  after getting so frustrated working there I finally found another job and gave my two weeks' notice.  But then........ three days before my very last day at Xerox  they asked me if I would like to finally do what I have been asking them for 7 months to do: Work at Home.  You know,  by this time I was annoyed. I had a job all lined up in Salem.  Not a GREAT job that I was thrilled about  and the commute would be horrendous, but the pay would have made it SORT of worth it.   However, if I work at home  I get to spend the summer with My Spencer.   I will probably make less money  but I cannot put a price on time with my Spencer.  So I took it  and now I am doing this crrrrazy job from my house. Today is my first day. I like it so far, and I LOVE seeing Spencer get ready for school.

 So, for ONCE, Xerox gave ME a smile.   Its good for the summer at least. Then I will reevaluate.  But now I can walk to his school at 3  and go get him. When school is out, I can ride my Wicked Witch Bike down to the Faist Farm stand at the end of my street at 2:30 when I get out of work (when Betty  opens in June)   and Spencer and I can make Strawberry Jam. I can see him play basketball outside my window.

Here is another SMILE:  Spencer made a SPEECH about Lewis and Clark at school.

I think Chris would say: "Good Job, Buddy!"

I wish he could have just held out a little longer til the clouds cleared. Maybe he would have met someone and had a family.... He is still very very very missed.

CAN YOU SEE IT?  K R??? I can

 

 

 

ALLLL about lewis and Clark

Seasons of Love lyrics

Smile 4 - Season of Love

Seasons of Love A great song from "Rent."


It is early February and I cannot believe how busy life can get. Spencer has been in school trying to do his "smiles" a little every day. Some days he tries a little too hard. The other kids hardly ever get a turn to volunteer for stuff and they get mad at him. He said that he helped a few kids do some things recently and frankly I cannot remember what but he will tell me in the AM and I will write it here.

 

It is almost Valentine's Day. I have been very busy this past year with the Ford Family Foundation's Institute for Community Building's Leadership Development Program. I took a lot of weekend classes for two days at a time every few weeks, and then we did a project for the city of Canby. We make decorative bike racks and put them all over the city. They are getting mixed reviews, but to be honest, if everyone likes everything you do all of the time you must be doing something wrong. All I can say is that I was on the Design Committee, and we spent hours and hours and hours getting them exactly right. It was all borne of a love of Canby. So that is ONE THING I have been doing and hopefully people are smiling because of it.. At least a few.   We sure made GOOFS out of ourselves making this LIP DUB video... but we sold a LOT of I HEART CANBY T SHIRTS...(  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J685Dq7JEik   <----embarrassment on an EPIC SCALE)  we raised $22,000.00 for Bike Racks!   You have to go past all the pics of Canby to get to the REAL Humiliation.. during a JOURNEY song... hahahahaha

Another thing I recently did was help the PTA of Trost ( our beloved school where Spencer is a DLI student)  make 1200 Tamales as a fundraiser. That was a lot of work but it went much more smoothly this year.

 

 I wish I could say that everything at Trost was just going along swimmingly but there has been a big kerfuffle of late over the DLI program.  So  whether it makes people smile or not, I am a staunch defender of the school I love and the DLI.   All of that ugliness has been a huge distraction as well.
 

We are up to FOUR SMILES in our project... and it would be maybe easier if people joined us..  but .... who knows. I am not even sure if anyone reads this.

 I am left with a heavy heart in this season of love  because I feel sort of.... cut off or something. I attended Chris's memorial and it was touching and beautiful  and sad  and I hope that it was a comfort to his friends and his family. However, for me, I think I am still in shock over the event. I would love to talk to his friend Patrick again but I am sure he is having a hard time right now so he has sort of... "gone underground."  I don't' know if I will ever see him or hear from him again, but if not it's too bad because we worked together for a while.

I think a lot about Chris's other friends and his family and what they are going through, and how they are coping.   About 65 times a day I pass their house and I see his little car sitting out front. It makes me sad  but also happy. I drive by it and I think of him.  Then,  if it were gone one day I think that would completely freak me out too.. so.. I like it where it is.  To me it kind of means that a part of him is still here  and I don't know. I really dread the day when I drive by and it is gone.   When it comes to Chris I mostly feel empty because I did not have the time to get to know him as well as the rest of the people in his life. I always wanted to... and I always thought there was TIME.   When we worked together  You know  let's face it.. He was this cute sort of funny kind of good looking smart kind of Cool Guy you know?  and I was this sort of lumpy, older like NERRRRRD ALERRRRT soccer mom who drove a Dork Mobile Minivan  and You know....   so whenever he even talked to me  I was always like... SHOCKED.   Like  why is the COOL GUY talking to ME, the huge NERRRD GIRL???   But he was always always always funny and nice  and not at all what I ever expected.  I sat in a different area... not too far from Chris and Patrick  but not as close as my friend Lyssa.  I always wanted to sit over there by them,  but I never did . There was never a computer that worked over there...  and as Patrick pointed out one day.. I am LOUD on the phone.  Like LOUD   But not as LOUD and he and Chris.. he said.. "Liz,  You and Me and Chris are the three loudest people in this entire Dept. It would NEVER work."  He was right.. But it was NOT AT ALL as FUN on my side.   I always thought there would be MORE TIME to get to know him.. that cute funny guy, Chris. Finally  on THANKSGIVING  is when I saw how truly great he was...

 I should have just barged on over to the other side ANYWAY and let everyone just go deaf. I wish now that I had, but a lot of times  people do not want to take risks like that.   "What if he thinks I am a weirdo, or nosy or... a weirdo.."    And now, with his mom... who I met and really like... you know  I  cannot even imagine  how she is doing and I should probably just call her up and say... HOW ARE YOU DOING?????  but I don't  because... I don't know... Trost PTA Tamalepalooza fundraiser...   the Trost DLI controversy thing...    and I am JOB HUNTING, (not because I hate my current job but I JUST CANNOT AFFORD the GAS it takes to work so far away anymore) The Bike Racks project.....  the basketball season has started... it seems like I have a meeting or a practice or SOMETHING every night... and I do not want to be that WEIRD,  BARGE IN,  STALKER GIRL... "HI YOU DON'T KNOW ME THAT WELL, BUT I WOULD LIKE TO BE YOUR FRIEND!!!!"  How insane is that???   So I hope she is doing okay.

 All I know  is that  the other night, my Spencer.. who I just... wow  I mean this kid LOVES Basketball. He LOVES IT  and he practices it a LOT... But  last year.... he was.... clearly a BEGINNER.  However.....THIS SEASON??? He has really hit his stride.    In the last game ( 3rd grade basketball, remember)  He scored like TWELVE POINTS.   He has found this basketball job that he LOOOOVES  - POINT GUARD?   I  know NOTHING about basketball...  and   I was just   like BLOWN AWAY...   I was sooooo very proud of him  and  you know... So.......  if Chris were here,  In this Season of Love,  I might have told him about Spencer's goofy basketball games,  and maybe he would have come to one, because they are like literally 200 feet from his house... and maybe   just maybe   he would have seen the look on Spencer's face after he scored those TWELVE points... and maybe he would have smiled. I hope he saw it anyway, wherever he is now.

 I have it on FILM!!! hahahah   Just in case you want to see it.

Smile Three - Hot Pockets. Morning Creatures.

I have recently discovered that it really does pay to be nice to people... even people you do not even know. I figure when you meet a new person,  even a stranger,  you are faced with a choice. As you walk down the hall way to the break room in the large building where I work ( a big room my friend Lyssa and I call "Hot Pockets" - as in "OMG I was in Hot Pockets... and I saw the guy who dresses like Harry Potter again..." - We started calling it this because they have machines that sell Hot Pockets and it always smells like Hot Pockets and people are always in there eating Hot Pockets....)

 

Anyway I will walk down the hall way to Hot Pockets to get more ice ( or if I am being bad, an overprivced bag of Chili Fritos from the machine - no worries... half the time you don't even get your snack.. it gets stuck... so... that saves on calories) and I will see the random Apple Tech Support employee from the first floor, with like Blue or Orange or Green hair. At that point I am given a choice... I could frown and look away... or I could simply smile and say "Hey.... did anyone ever tell you you look like Harry Potter?" The point is WHAT DOES IT COST YOU TO BE NICE INSTEAD OF FROWN????

 

I see people there all of the time and everyone is on a different journey. In the elevator someone is clearly having a crappy day.... it is 5:30 AM, it's raining, AGAIN, and here we are at work..... When I see someone that looks relatively friendly I will say something like "LIVING THE DREAM!!!!" hahahahahah I know everyone in my division, - its very small and in a private walled off section. You have to like pass a couple of tests and stuff proving that you can really sell to be able to work in my division. So I know they do not work with me... Mostly likely they make less money in the other two divisions. They are strangers.. but whatever.... we are all in this together. There are people who work for the 7 radio stations on the 4th floor that also use the elevator, and you can always tell them because they park close, get out of expensive cars and are kind of aloof. I hardly ever joke with them. The few times I have they were kind of snot heads about it... so WHAT EVERRRRRRR.

 

Speaking of getting up at 4 AM.... I do get up at 4 AM most weekday mornings. I have to be at work by 6 AM. I used to hate this but now I love it. There are morning creatures out and about that I never realized existed before I had this schedule. The world is quiet and most people are asleep.

 

I see all kinds of people at 4 AM... even in my own neighborhood.  There are the two TURBO KICK ladies...  they live down the street from me and get up at some ungodly hour to go to a studio and teach a class where they, from what I can tell,  scream and pound the floor  and punch the air. They are in fantastic physical shape  and I admire them and I might join them one day in a hundred years but that day is not this month or next... There is the kid across the street Chad  who leaves at 5:30 to go work for his Dad I think  and some days, his Step Dad,   Police Man Steve, is also warming up his truck in the driveway getting ready for his 6 AM shift.   Sometimes I will have to make a stop at Francisco's house to drop something off for him. One day I just threw a shirt I won on his lawn. I win a LOT of shirts...none of them are very flattering on me... so... I give them away. Oddly  he  is usually also up at 5 AM.  On the way out of the Hood I pass Chris's parent's house  and shortly after that I pass Three Dog Lady.  OMG  this lady walks three of the cutest little dogs.. at least I think they are cute... its DARK.   But after Christmas?  OMG  Three Dog lady  must have hit the jackpot from Santa because  SHE and ALL THREE of her DOGS  ALLLLL had MATCHING COATS.

 

Sometimes I will stop at the 7-11 at the corner of 99 and Ivy  because I will need to pick up an energy drink (those nutty GEN-Y kids got me hooked on 'em) or something for my lunch. That is one of the few places open at this hour.  They are all nice in there.  One time I had just gotten paid again and my card did not work in the swipey machine and I just about had a stroke.  They were so nice about it and said  "NO, it is our machine.. it does that all the time... its NOT your card."  It finally worked, they were right... but... that was a fun little exercise.  Another place open is the Human Bean Drive Thru coffee place   but Bill makes the strongest coffee on earth and so theirs is weak by comparison.  Plus  I am cheap. and frankly I do not give a crap about coffee. I do not need to know that my beans were FAIR TRADE purchased or whatever... McDonald's   another place open at 5 AM  has a large coffee with 5 creams and 5 sugars for a buck.  The same people are always there at McDonalds every AM.  There is that Really Tall Girl... then Usually Smiling Spanish Girl who was crying that day that singer   that SPANISH POLKA QUEEN singer was killed in a plane crash...  She was crying that morning I remember, and I was not critical of her when I thought back to how much I cried the day Princess Diana died. Sometimes  there is this other girl -  MATTER OF FACT girl... she is verrrry precise.   Yes  I have names for all of the McDonald's people too.

 The one lady I see most often is.... Gas Station Lady.    There is ONE gas station open at 5 AM in Canby.  The next closest one is in Poop Smelling Wilsonville. Wilsonville is a nice enough place but at 5 AM I guess they run the sewage plant or something because there is a stretch of I-5 there where you practically have to hold your breath. I never stop for gas there and I certainly never will at 5 AM.   The gas station in Canby  that is open.. I have no idea what company it even is.. Chevron? 76?  no idea  I cannot remember It is next to the Human Bean though, and it is the only one open at 5 AM.   Every morning there is ONE LADY running it  by herself. She has a long blonde braid and she has to be at least 55 years old  She is Sooooo sweet.  No matter how cold it is   or how hard it is raining or  how many cars are waiting  she is always sweet, nice polite. I love her. I stopped for gas the other morning and since I was done with "Joy for beginners" our book club book, I just gave it to her. I said  "Here   you can keep this book... my book club is done with it and i never read books twice. It's a pretty good story!"   not that I have a motive... I really was not going to read that book again... but maybe she will not mind one cold morning when it is super cold and there are 14 other cars  yet I am really poor that day and I hand her  a ziploc bag full of quarters..."Its $4.00. Really.  I counted it twice..." hahahah

 

 I think the point is that that I do not HAVE TO talk to any of these people. I could frown allll the way from Canby to Work.  I have every right to - Its WAAAY early.  The train is pissing me off again. The fog is so thick I am waiting for a freakazoid from TWIN PEAKS to jump out at my car. I am LATE. I am TIRED. I don't FEEL LIKE going to work today. I did not get enough sleep. I am back on that thing of "What the hell am I doing with my life??" again... I could be a crab. I COULD BE. Most days  I CHOOOSE NOT TO.  I think it is a choice. I think Chris knew that. Most of the time he did.

SMILE TWO - Rides. Stuff at School.

 Spencer  and I did a few things that could qualify as Smile Two this week. I gave one guy a ride home  when we got out a little early,  and I gave a different guy a ride home on a different day when we got out early.  It was not very out of the way.. just meant that I had to get off the freeway... go like one block and get back on.. so Not a big deal.... Also my friend Lyssa gave someone a ride home from work this week. It was CCCCCOOOOOLLLLLD in Oregon this week.  One of these people gave me money for gas  which was very very nice.

In his Third Grade class, Spencer did one of the jobs  that his freind Jair was supposed to do to be nice.   Spencer said  no one really noticed   but Jair did... so...  I guess that is SMILE TWO. Nothing really Earth Shattering, but .... it made a difference to all of those people.

January 14, 2013 Chris's Birthday

On Monday January 14th Chris Annis would have turned 29.

 
If he were still here with us, and was still our coworker no doubt all of us would have made him a very silly cake covered in strange plastic animals, and probably TP'd his cubicle.
 

I can barely imagine what his parents will go through on his first birthday without him, which is coming up on Monday. I cannot even begin to imagine the year they will have. I know that when my mother died I had a year full of "firsts" without her that were very painful. My first birthday without her was very difficult, as were all of the first holidays without her. Her first birthday was also very hard. The first year without her was a very hard year but honestly, she was my mother. She technically is supposed to go before me. I do not really have much of a belief in God so I did not know where she really was and I still do not. However, at least it is the natural order for a parent to die before a child.


Chris's loved ones will have a very hard time this year. I am prepared to support them in any way I can, however, all that I have learned about grief is that it simply takes time. I once had a class in death and dying when I was in nursing school (I never became a nurse though I got pretty far). In that class I learned that there really are no answers and there is no schedule and there is no timetable. There is no "getting over" these kinds of things and though the stages of grief do happen, they do not always happen to everyone, and not all of them happen, and there is no order for when they happen if they do.  You just simply have to FEEL BAD until you DON'T FEEL BAD anymore.  There is no way AROUND it.... only THROUGH. no detours. No shortcuts.

 A person or a family in mourning has a hole in their heart.  Over the years  that hole will not go away, the edges of it will just be a little less jagged.   Maybe one day the shock will start to wane and the realization will start to sink in that this person they loved is not coming back. Maybe their faith will guide them through that. Maybe the thought that they will see that person again gives them comfort. Years later they will think they are past the pain  etc  and then something will trigger  a memory or a date or  who knows what? And there you are, right back there to that raw vulnerable place you found yourself when they first died.  I have a friend that lost a child when the child was 11 and she will never ever, ever be over this. Ever. She remembers every anniversary, every date,  every birthday...  "Megan would have been 22 today. Megan would have done this by now..."

 
I have a very difficult time dealing with death myself, probably because I have no faith in God. I have no idea where the person goes,  what their life is like now...etc.  Where are they? Can they see us?  Do they come alive when we think about them?  Can they send us messages?  Are they reunited with other people who have died?   Do they watch over us?  Do they know we miss them? My mother died on Mother's Day 1994, and her mother died on Mother's day 1974.  What the hell is THAT about????

 

In this silly blog I have no answers and I will never pretend that I do.  All I can do is share one silly little thing that makes January 14th a very significant day for me.  January 14th 2004 was 4 days after my 39th birthday.  For months I had been feeling odd,   tired  I don't know..  so many odd symptoms.  On January 14th, 2004 I finally found out that I was not sick or losing my mind.. but that I was 28 weeks pregnant.

 

TWENTY EIGHT WEEKS.  Yes, I went to nursing school. Yes, my Dad was an M.D. , and HIS DAD was also an M.D.   I thought I really knew everything. In 1991 I actually diagnosed my mother's ovarian cancer using the book "Our Bodies Our Selves."  When we found out for sure what she was sick with it was still terrible but I had guessed correctly.  So how could I not know that I was 28 weeks pregnant? I am not sure. I was REALLLLLLY busy.  However.... I had an ultrasound... and there he was... Spencer Harrison Chapin.  It is surreal to be told on January 14th that you will not only become a parent unexpectedly but that this blessed event will occur in the beginning of April.  April Fool's Day, to be exact. You see, I had to have a planned C Section and guess what?  That day was WIDE OPEN.....

 

 January 14th can be a sad day, because it was Chris's birthday and he would have been 29.  I don't know where he is right now, but I doubt he would want us all to be sad.  I am sure his parents, his friends, people who knew him will be sad on that day, but for a long time it was a happy day for him.

 

Once upon a time, it was a COMPLETELY CRAZY INSANE day for me.

 

Chris, I have no idea where you are or what you are doing today. I know only that your friends and family miss you a great deal, and that you were well-loved, and that your smile and fond memories that they have of you will sustain them through this very difficult year ahead. I for one wish I had gotten to know you better, and I will forever regret that I did not have that chance. Never ever again will I pass up the chance to talk to, or get to know someone that I feel like I could be better friends with for fear of making a total ass of myself.  Happy Birthday! I hope Spencer and I can celebrate your birthday next year by remembering the 91 things we did to make other people smile in your memory. We are sure going to try.